I spent majority of December in a state of extreme fatigue. All I wanted to do was sleep. My body, no matter how much rest I got, always felt exhausted. When I was awake I experienced various amounts of self-reflection. My thoughts constantly were examinations of my life. I thought about my accomplishments, including all my downfalls. I thought about my past, present and future. Time acted as though it was nothing more than a time bomb. One that was patiently waiting to explode into chaos. The thoughts continued. Did I become the person I had wished to become as a child? What did I enjoy as a child? What makes me happy? Who exactly am I? What do I stand for? These thoughts flooded my mind and left me to feel unsure about my security in the reality upon the physical plane of existence. Yes, the one that constantly reminds us that we are human.
During this time I felt as though I was abandoned. I felt alone, deserted and insecure. My friends appeared to have no need to feel empathetic towards the condition I was in, which only made it worse. My family, unknowingly, lifted my spirit, merely by just occupying my presence, but it wasn’t enough. Even my guides stood firm in, I assume, their secret approval to not aid my understanding. If it wasn’t hard enough awake, sleeping was no better. Not one single dream cared to offer assistance. Not even a single dream cared to influence an impact, or intention, to be recalled. I’m sure the lack there of was because I was dealing with constant restlessness.
However, today is a new day and I feel much better. It may have taken awhile, but I am up and moving, once again. My mind is able to think clearly and freely. I feel lighter. I feel lifted. There is something about the way I feel that resembles a part of myself I’ve missed. The person that is care-free, bubbly, optimistic, clever, witty, funny and free-spirited. It truly is a great feeling, that is, if one can relate. But, this feeling didn’t come easy. It took days, weeks and constant hours of pure rendering. It took examining my emotions to a point where I could do nothing more but release them through tears. There were times when I experienced random tears, which, I figured, derived from hidden emotions. They streamed down my face without conscious thought, or any ounce of effort. Whether they were tears of sorrow, regret or joy is still unknown, because all I focused on was their acknowledgement. To me, crying is healing. So, never fight your tears. Allow them to come and go, as they please.
This whole experience, or time I spent hibernating, as my friend would say, was nothing of pleasure, but it was truly something worth much gratitude. I wish you all the best during this period of time. At times I know things can get a bit rocky. There may be times when you feel as though that rocky ground is showcasing the value of your worth. When you feel this way remind yourself that you are in control. Remind yourself to not fight it and to just go with it. Each experience you undergo is for a specific reason. Think of it as a house during spring cleaning. Everything becomes a wreck, because we must decide what goes and what stays. After we complete the cleaning, the house looks spotless and it feels refreshing. Well, the same goes for our mind, body and soul, as they each need cleansing and purifying. And, many times, they come without warning. Just remember, you will get through this. You will prevail. I know this, because I believe in you. Now all you have to do is believe and trust in yourself. That is all it takes.
I WISH YOU ALL A HAPPY 2013!
I Am Wearing,
Ring on Right Hand: Onyx
Ring on Left Hand: Green Tourmaline